The Last Quarry (Max Allan Collins, 2006)

To be honest, this is not very good. In the afterword, Collins mentions he wrote it as a kind of favour to Hard Case Crime‘s editor Charles Ardai after he had promised him Robert McGinnis for a cover illustration. But I think he simply had nothing to do so out of boredom decided to bring alive his most famous hero.

It does start promising. We get to refresh our knowledge of Quarry’s story and his current situation. Which is not a very exciting one because he is employed as the keeper of a holiday resort. And since it’s off-season time, the inn is empty, and the only thing Quarry needs to fight is insomnia. That quickly changes when he accidentally gets involved in the kidnapping of some rich brat. And so by the end of the fifth chapter, we have two dead kidnappers and one free rich brat. And Quarry gets a contract by her ass-hole rich father.

So far, so good. The stage is now set for some real action. Unfortunately, we will have to wait quite a while to get some. Because instead of shifting into higher gear, everything just falls flat. The story doesn’t move anywhere, no new characters or subplots are introduced, and we must basically endure the process of Quarry’s falling (you know – in a romantic kind of way) for his target. It’s pathetic and almost embarrassing at times. Looks like Mr Collins had a similar opinion, so he just finished everything quickly with some ridiculous shoot-out massacre and “surprising” twist.

The writing is poor, likely intentionally, to give it a more pulpy feel. Its strong points are witty dialogues, but there are just too many unnecessary “fucks” and moronic machismo-isms about women (plus some mandatory gay “jokes”), sex and violence. Latter is especially cartoonish: he beats some bad ass marine guy like he’s a fucking kid, and in the already mentioned shoot-out, the bad guys are disposed of as easily as clay pigeons:

1. The guy took it in his head
2. With the headstone as a cover, I took out the two closest ones
3. I took the nearest to me when he slipped his head out to take aim
4. He had almost made it to cover when my shot caught him in the side of the head
5. He, too, took a bullet in the head and fell backward

 See what I mean? No wonder they were such great pals with Spillane.

I expected more after reading Quarry in the Middle. It’s probably perfect reading when you’re on the plane and you hardly need to concentrate. So here’s a good tip for your next travel: it will make waiting in queues easier, and you won’t pay much attention to turbulence.

2/5

Facts:

Hero: 
Hitman Quarry. But for the purposes of this narrative, however, we’ll say my real name is Jack Keller.

Location: 
Hard to tell. Again, Quarry is quite secretive, keeping his identity hidden. But he does drop us a hint: “Sylvan Lake, somewhere in Minnesota, only it’s not called Sylvan Lake and maybe it’s not Minnesota, either.” So go figure! Action then moves to a small city named Homewood, which I managed to locate on Google Maps – it’s 30 miles south of Chicago. 

And the year is most probably 2005 because “Janet was still advertising Kerry/Edwards 2004” with her car’s bumper stickers.

Body count: 
2………no, nothing …………still nothing (2 fucks though)………… one more fuck ………… 1+1….. 6+1 = grand total of 11 (+ 3 fucks)

Dames: 
Janet, the librarian and her sister Julie

Cover: 
Pretty accurate. On two occasions, he peeks at the girl through the window, but he wears a beard (shaved off later, so maybe that confused the artist). The second time, he doesn't have a gun, but a girl actually wears a “pinkish excuse for a bra”. Illustrated by famous Robert McGinnis but this one I think was also made quickly and without much paying attention to the details. Let’s say it’s okay but not great.

Cool lines:
He answered with another question: “Do you have any reservations about taking out a woman?”

“I take women out all the time.”
“Not the way I mean.”
I smiled just a little. “Are you sure?”

“Julie has a potential. She has fire. Spirit. She’s just … going through a phase.”
I nodded toward the hole in the ground. “So is your other daughter – it’s called a decomposition.