Dream Girl (Robert B. Parker, 2006)

Had a shitty day at the office and was craving for a few pints in the local pub and some easy reading. However, it happened that the only book I had was "Hedge Funds for Dummies" (don't ask!) on my Kindle, so I needed to pick up something else at the local bookstore on my way home. Just took the first pulp that had matched my quickly constructed criteria: (1) not to be written by a woman (always), (2) to be written by the author without an entry on this blog (which somehow covers the first condition), (3) to have P.I. for its protagonist and (4) to be reasonably light (part of a serial written by some bestselling author, reasonably short, lots of dialogues etc).

I've read one or two Spenser novels some time ago, so this one was a no-brainer. And it proved to be a good decision because it has totally fulfilled the last condition of my demanding terms. It's as easy reading as they come and as far as I'm concerned could be filed in a cosy crime section together with Agatha fucking Christie. Although, of course, back cover blurbs are saying this is "one of the greats of American hard-boiled genre" and "...non-stop action,... kick-ass entertainment" (by Janet Evanovich, of course, hehe).

Anyways, let's finally move on. Spenser is asked (not even hired) by his old friend April to get rid of some assholes threatening to take over her business. And since this business is a whorehouse it comes as no surprise that some sleazy gigolo, a local tough guy, a big-time madam from New York and even the mafia get involved to get a piece of the cake. Spenser and a few of his buddies are caught in the middle of this mess, and (with a lot of help from the police) they manage to crack this case.

Sounds better than it actually is. The story is okay and complex enough, but it's told in a really dull way. Spenser is just connecting the dots in pretty straightforward fashion and when Parker stops introducing new characters (which is pretty soon) everything becomes tiresome and repetitive. And at the end, we get some moral redemption/salvation crap instead of a classical whodunnit. It certainly feels as if the author himself was as disillusioned and disappointed as his hero and was just relieved to finish this.

Two major weaknesses here. The first one is a lack of decent pace and, consequently, a lack of suspense. Everything simply moves too slowly; we need to wait for ages to get the first corpse. The investigation itself takes the entire winter, and after the first half, it essentially stalls. At the same time, the narration's rhythm is constantly interrupted by whole chapters that contribute nothing truly substantial to the story. They are primarily about conversations with his shrink girlfriend about the case (but also about writing poems to each other on Valentine's day), and in one chapter, our main man even speaks about it with his fucking dog! Very annoying...

The second thing that bothered me was Spenser's horrible detective skills. Most of the time, this guy has no idea what he's doing or what he is even supposed to investigate. So he keeps running in circles, interviewing the same people again and again while travelling between Boston and New York like a headless chicken. And still not making any progress - the only fact he has successfully deduced is that everybody has been lying to him all the time! His interrogation skills are beyond pathetic, and my favourite scene is the one where he starts interviewing a bunch of hookers by asking them how they ended up in this profession!? You know - just to break the ice and make them more relaxed... So it's not surprising that 50 pages before the conclusion, he's still totally clueless, and the way he cracks the case is just incredible. Without any apparent reason and out of the blue (gut feeling maybe?), he decides to follow one of his suspects, and after five days on this tail job, this guy leads him to the solution.

I also didn't like much the writing style, but we won't get into that. All in all, a predictable and enjoyable read. Certainly got what I'd expected.

2.5/5

Facts:

Hero:
Spenser P.I.

Location: 
Boston and New York

Body count: 

3

Dames:  
April Kyle, ex-hooker and now aspiring madame

Blackouts: 
Nope, none. Not enough action.

Title: 
Word play - "Dreamgirl" is a future franchise name of the "boutique sex mansions" across America that April wants to manage. Which, I guess, makes her a dream girl? Or - less likely - is she a girl that Spenser is dreaming about? 

Cover: 
Typical stuff for selling at the airports. Motive looks more suitable for some ghostly horror story, and I would definitely prefer a bunch of half-naked prostitutes standing in front of the whorehouse (sorry, it's a boutique, of course) with a big neon sign saying "Dream Girl"

Cool lines:  
None really. Parker is constantly trying to be cute and funny, but doesn't really succeed.