The Murderer Vine (Shepard Rifkin, 1970)

This one takes a while to really take off. But it's time well worth waiting because we get to know our hero pretty well. He's a tough, a bit seedy, definitely greedy, small-time, divorce cases type of NYC private dick. Ex-cop with his own sense of justice and morals. Very resourceful and methodological. In short, our kind of guy, correct? He tells his story in a confession, flashback style, from some godforsaken place in South America where he has been hiding since the last job. So we can assume there had been some serious fuck up that made him go into this involuntary exile. So tension is rising nicely, and suspense is built just right by the time he finally arrives in Mississippi.

His assignment is straightforward - he must kill five men responsible for the death of some millionaire's son who was idealistic (crazy?) enough to go deep south into the bible belt as a civil rights worker supporting black people. Surrounding quickly becomes familiar and somehow cliched (local sheriff, big ass politician ass hole, etc), but the story's still flowing smoothly. A big problem, in my opinion, is that he's too well prepared!  Everything simply goes according to his plan (which was not exactly air-tight in the first place), and this whole thing quickly turns from a mystery/suspense into an ordinary revenge-type thriller. There are not many twists, and the central mystery becomes a question of whether our hero will fall in love with his super-cool and sexy assistant Kirby.

Don't get me wrong - it's a real page-turner, with some great characters and a dark atmosphere. I liked it a lot, but I certainly missed a bit more complex storyline. The best thing about it is how the racist aspect gets approached. Before reading it, I was wary of it being too political and/or depressing (for the lack of a better word). Obviously, it is political, and it does condemn racism. However, it still is the foremost hard-boiled thriller that uses these pathetic fucks and their pitiful mindsets to enhance the story and make it more interesting and emotional. A big credit for succeeding goes to a masterful characterisation of our main hero. When he arrives at that shit-hole of Okalusa, his only interest is earning his money by getting the job done. He initially ignores the racist crap (I loved that little episode on the bus), but towards the end, he "breaks very good rule" by becoming personally involved and "beginning to hate these people".

Smart, well-written, dealing with a despicable and dark subject in a pulpy, hard-boiled way. Brave and unusual, especially when considering it was written back in 1970.

4/5
 
Facts:

Hero:
Joe Dunne, PI

"What did you expect?" I asked.
"Someone sophisticated yet brutal. And you know what you look like?"
"Sure. A broken-down professional football player ten years after his last game, working as a used-car salesman."

Location:  

"You are entering Okalusa, Queen City of the cotton kingdom." ... "City limits Okalusa Pop. 28,165 Drive slow We love our children Lions meet Tues. 12:30 Rotary Thurs. 12:30" 

Body count: 

10

Dames:
Dunne's sexy assistant/secretary/undercover wife Kirby

Blackouts: 
He drinks himself into oblivion, but it's all part of his job: he tries to find out where the bodies are buried. 

Title: 
A bit melodramatic; Vine didn't kill anyone. It's just that three murdered boys were buried under the melon vine. But it is definitely a place to avoid as one of the locals warns our hero: "Theah's plenty dry-lan' moccasins come out of the piny woods an' lie around under the vines waitin' for frogs."

Cover: 
Great pinup illustration by Ken Laager of a hot blonde. But there's no relation to the book. At least I cannot find one.

Cool lines:  
"Wait a minute. You ask for proof that will stand up in court, then you ask for the execution of each one. It doesn't make sense."
"I'm the court."

She murmured in my ear, "Why are we vertical?"
"What?"
"Shut off the damn shower," she said. "We're not salmon in the spawning season."[The Coolest!]

All Shot Up (Chester Himes, 1959)

Grave Digger came back in a hurry. His face was set.
"Hell's broke loose on the street," he said, poking his arm into the coat Coffin Ed held for him.
"We'd better hop it then," Coffin Ed said.

Just another night in Harlem and another routine assignment for the pair of our favourite badass detectives. Two assignments, to be precise, in two unrelated cases: a hit-and-run accident that leaves the victim flattened into a concrete wall (!!) and the heist of a local black politician.

Chaotic stuff, fucking bloody mayhem racing relentlessly with a blinding pace. Hard to follow at times (especially at the start), but nevertheless delightful to read. The story just sticks together, and at times it seems that the glue that keeps everything from falling apart is violence. It's a continuous thread throughout the novel, but it's far from some glorified and over-the-top cheap shit. Very realistic and believable. The interrogation scene at Paris Bar is simply mind-blowing, and it (almost) makes that famous bar scene from The French Connection look like it's coming from a Disney movie. Crazy stuff, most writers these days would think twice before putting down such politically incorrect police violence, and probably no publisher would touch it.

Enough said. It's beyond incredible. This is simply a masterpiece. Reminded me again that I need to get that Himes biography written by James Sallis. So many incredible books to read, so little time...

5/5

Facts:

Hero:
Coffin Ed and Grave Digger. 

The story was in Harlem that these two black detectives would kill a dead man in his coffin if he so much as moved.

Mammy Louise swooped down on the dog and dragged it off before he did it injury.
"Not dem, Lawd Jim, mah God, dawg," she cried. "You can't stop dem from goin' nowhere. Them is de mens."

Location:
Harlem, New York

Body count: 
8, and I'm grateful to Mr Himes for summarising them at the end because it was nearly impossible to keep count in this madness. Victims changing names and identities (even gender on one occasion!), people surviving stabbings, and even having a knife stuck in their skull (Brain specialists all over the country had been alerted to the case).

Dames:
It's definitely a masculine novel, but there are two interesting female characters. A beautiful seductress, Mrs Holmes (Her breast stuck out from a turtleneck blue jersey silk pullover as though taking aim at any man in front of her) and simple, but very street-wise, Roman's girlfriend Sassafras (btw what a cool name, isn't it?!).

Blackouts:
You kidding? The whole thing happens in two days, so there is no time to pass out for our two bad-asses.

Title: 
Very appropriate - the whole thing is one big major fucking shoot out!

Cover: 
I like all the covers from the Penguin Himes reprints, and this one is no exception. Once again, it catches the book's dark and gritty mood. Just not sure who that sinister (or is he scared?) black dude in the front is supposed to be. Casper? Roman? It cannot be the main villain (because he's white).

Cool lines: 
"One's a white man," Grave Digger said.
"What else?" Coffin Ed replied.
What he meant was what else could keep the black citizens away from the circus provided by killing.

"The rich used to live here," Coffin Ed remarked.
"Still so," Grave Digger said. "Just changed color. Colored rich folks always live in the places abandoned by white rich folks."

They had the feeling that time was rushing past like a maniac with a knife.[The Coolest!]


He ran into a brace of slugs and came reeling back with two sudden eyes in his forehead.[The Coolest!]

The Curious Eat Themselves (John Straley, 1993)

Yet another attempt at putting a new twist on the classical PI genre by having a bit of an unconventional protagonist in some exotic surroundings. We are in cold Alaska, and our hero's name is Cecil Younger. He was hired by some unfortunate girl to find the assholes who had raped her, but Cecil becomes client-less as early as the first page when poor Louise is pulled from the ocean with her throat cut. Promising start, I like it when crime books follow the unwritten rule of having a corpse in the first act. And since we are in Alaska (and since the back cover also hints at this), we know that her death will just lead our white knight to some big corporate environmental fuckup.

Which, of course, it does. But things go rapidly from intriguing to slightly confusing to simply fucking boring. Cecil basically has no clue what to do or how to lead a proper investigation. True, he does solve the case of his dead dog, but apart from that, he's far from being a mover and shaker. Basically, anyone who has five minutes to spare, from corporate bastards to cops and even his ex-wife, gives him clues and instructions about what's happening and what he's supposed to do next.

So it soon becomes boring and repetitive. And for several reasons, I think. The plot just doesn't move anywhere. An occasional corpse does pop up here and there, but in general, there's no mystery to be solved. Narration simply goes from point A to point B without any twists, and characters are just stereotypical, one-dimensional black/white guys. Although it must be said that at least they are not presented as eccentric weirdos in a "Northern Exposure" type of simplified crap.

Interestingly, the thing that really kills the novel's pace is the language used. Very good, rich, at times even poetic, but just not focused and tight. The author pays attention to every possible fucking detail, and there are pages and pages of some completely redundant descriptions. A good example would be the chapter before the last one. We are at the end, where things usually start to unfold, and the tempo shifts typically a gear or two up. Not in this one: we need to follow three castaways as they get their shit together by lighting a fire, hunting deer, preparing food, and other survival skills. Truly incredible anti-climax...

Reminded me a bit of Jean-Claude Izzo. John Straley, too, has chosen the wrong genre for his writing (maybe that's why he's into writing poetry these days). I did like the beginning, but then it all became too messy. Don't think I'll check out other books in the series.

2.5/5

Facts:

Hero: 
Cecil Younger, pretty much an antipode of classical hard-boiled detective: doesn't drink, doesn't carry a gun, lives with a mentally handicapped friend.

Location: 
All over Alaska. Cecil is based in a small town called Sitka, but he's flying around like man obsessed. Was impossible to track him because even he, at one point, realises that "I had been in three other airports but I didn't remember which ones."

Body count: 

5 + one dog

Dames:
His ex-wife Hannah

Blackouts: 
He jumps off the plane that's about to take off and wakes up one day later. 

Title: 
The tattoo on his ex's shoulder. Apparently, from a poem "Straw for the Fire" written by Theodore Roethke

Cover: 
A bit wild and certainly unusual for crime novels. It's cool and definitely in the book's spirit, but I still prefer classical covers with blondes and guns.

Cool lines:  
I hate being on the wagon. It's like getting my life back but losing one of my senses.

He had a look of a tired day-care worker who wanted to slap the snot out of a kid but knew the parents were watching.

Fit to Kill (Brett Halliday, 1959)

Basic detective novel structure dictates that our gumshoeing hero gets hired by some unfortunate soul, or gets involved in a crime accidentally, or is pulled into some family shit. But not this one: Fit to Kill starts with some sort of journalistic investigation spy-ish background story, and it spends quite a hefty 50+ pages on it, which means that our main protagonist, PI Mike Shayne, makes his entrance as late as in the 7th chapter.

Which is a good and a bad thing at the same time. It's good because it's a bit unconventional (and therefore interesting), but it's bad because the background story is mediocre. Standard stuff involving some dictator of an unidentified banana republic, resistant fighters, a damsel in distress, a mysterious package and so on. Its main character, Shayne's friend Rourke, isn't exactly convincing and is, in fact, pretty fucking boring. He's supposed to be this stereotypical kind of hardened newspaper reporter, but most of the time he acts like some naive horny kid. I don't know, probably Halliday characterised him intentionally this way so Mike Shayne would be cooler in contrast.

With Shayne's arrival on the scene, the novel's pace shifts several gears up. In fact, it turns into the "real-time mode" which - once again - turns out to be a good and a bad thing. Good thing being that shit really starts to happen pretty rapidly, but the bad aspect of this is that it simply doesn't work too well. Don't get me wrong: the plot is not terribly complex, and it's easy to follow, it's just that its timing is way off sometimes. Simply too many things happen in twelve hours to make the story believable.

But it was still cool to read. Shayne is a pretty interesting character because he's supposed to be this cliched hard-boiled detective, but still he makes a few mistakes. Right at the start of the case he loses the girl he was tailing (He was frozen with indecision, which was an unusual state for Shayne), later moves a corpse before police arrives to the crime scene, walks into the Professor Quesada's house without any plan (so he gets knocked out) and other silly stuff like that. But still, he manages to tie up all the loose ends very efficiently in a great ending when all the pieces fall in place.

3/5

Facts:

Hero:
Michael Shayne, PI

Location:
First part in some unidentified "Central American republic", second part in Miami.

Body count: 

3

Dames:
Carla Adams with "elegantly nyloned legs" - She had the delicacy of colouring that is only found in girls with precisely that color hair.

Blackouts: 
Yes, but it's just "Shayne fell forward and the mist closed in about him." 

Title: 
Cool sounding, but also pretty puzzling one. The badass who does all the killings seemed very fit to me. Or is it referring to Rourke, who is finally fit to kill someone after his whole ordeal? If yes, who is he supposed to kill?

Cover: 
Not the usual paperback half-naked chicks & guns stuff, but quite interesting and nice one. This is relevant to the story, too, because thick glasses play a part in the novel, although it is far-fetched. Let me explain: the killer wears glasses, so without any second thoughts, Shayne links him to the asshole Renzullo, and - even more far-fetched - the police buys this idea without any reservation, so - check this, I shit you not! - they start a manhunt for a guy wearing glasses - "I want every outgoing train, bus and plane checked for a man wearing thick glasses"

Cool lines:  
Rourke asked the switchboard girl for the right time. It turned out to be time for supper, so he called room service, and ordered a bottle of rye and ice.

The Thief Who Couldn't Sleep (Lawrence Block, 1966)

Unusual globetrotting espionage/adventure. Not the biggest fan of those genres myself, so at least I'm assuming it's a bit unusual to have a protagonist who cannot sleep (so he learns languages and manically reads) and writes other people's master thesis for a living.

On one of these job assignments, he comes across an old Armenian woman and over a few cups of coffee (Armenian coffee: hot as hell, black as sin, and sweet as love), she unveils to him the long-lost secret of gold that Armenian people had stashed away during the Turkish massacre during the WWI. In no time at all, Tanner decides that many of the freakish societies across the world (whose member he is) could benefit from some big ass donations. So he promptly applies for the passport and sets out for the treasure hunt.

Sounds much more conventional than it actually is. You see, our hero starts six international incidents, is hunted by several states' secret police and a few sinister organisations ("I know you're hotter than a grenade with the pin out") in a chase that begins in Ireland, goes all the way southeast through Europe to Bulgaria and ends in Lebanon. Along the way, Tanner fucks a couple of hot girls, runs into a bunch of odd (even by his high standard of oddness) characters, sparks a minor revolution attempt in Macedonia and somehow obtains complete dossier of the British air and coastal defenses (which btw cannot be very strong since the whole thing is pretty thin). When taking into account that this paperback is 200 pages long, it actually feels like it was written by some madman on amphetamines (who couldn't sleep?)

But it's not bad at all. It's funny and I liked the fact that it didn't take itself seriously at all. Tanner in no way tries to emulate the James Bond type of agent. Cold war doesn't play no role here (I don't think this term was ever mentioned) and his goals are pretty modest as he certainly doesn't try to prevent some shit like nuclear attack or WW3 - turns out that his loot was worth mere $371,520 (according to this website this would amount to 2.6 million today). Also worth mentioning is that Block doesn't mock exotic (by American standards, I guess) countries and bore us (and maybe himself too) with American patriotism. He actually did his research pretty thoroughly, and we learn an interesting fact or two about those "exotic" places (though I think he exaggerated a bit about Irish hospitality).

Silly, charming nonsense. I guess it still qualifies as a cosy crime, but I liked it better than Block's silly Bernie Rhodenbarr crap. But I don't think I'll check anything else from the Tanner series. Unless you can recommend a good one?

3/5

Facts:

Hero:
Evan Michael Tanner or Ivan Mikhail Tanner, according to Radio Moscow

Location:
Turkey, Ireland (from Shannon airport to Limerick to a nearby village Croon to Dublin), Madrid, Grenoble, Italy (Venice, Udine), Yugoslavia (Ljubljana, Zagreb, Belgrade, Tetovo), Sofia, Balikesir and then 800 miles two day drive to the southeast town of Antakya, crossing Syria and finishing in Lebanon and then flying (finally!) back to Washington.

Body count: 
One secret agent + many casualties of the Macedonian revolution

Dames:
Nora, an Irish gal + Annalya, a Macedonian woman. Tanner fucks them both. Nora is simply lonely (who wouldn't be in Croom?) and horny, but Annalya has deeper reasons for seducing our hero. When she comes, she ecstatically yells: "A son! Give me a son for Macedonia!" Hilarious stuff, we need more horny revolutionaries!

Blackouts: 
Nope, not even sure if a guy who cannot sleep can black out. But there was a scene where Tanner pretended to be unconscious when a double-crossing bastard of the Society of the Left Hand struck him with a tire wrench.

Title: 
No nuclear physics required to decipher this one: Tanner is a thief, and he cannot sleep.

Cover: 
Pretty standard and not very imaginative one. Cannot figure out what that green shit in the background is.

First time on this blog: 
My hometown, Ljubljana in Slovenia, is mentioned. Which is cool, but even cooler is that it also takes place in Dublin, where I live these days.

Cool lines:
Some pretty bizarre (and funny?) insults from the prison guard, Mustafa. Looks like this asshole has some sort of animalistic Oedipus complex:

- Your mother loves to perform fellatio upon syphilitic dogs.[The Coolest!]

- Your mother spreads herself for camels.
- Your mother was blinded by gonorrhea.

The Late Mrs. Five (Richard Wormser, 1960)

I found this paperback in a one-euro bin at a flea market, liked the cover, and decided to give it a try. I had never heard of Richard Wormser before, so I didn't expect much, but I was pleasantly surprised.

Not at the start, though. It begins as a pretty formulaic tale of a wrongly accused man being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Not my cup of tea, these kinds of stories, especially when they take place in some suburban/rural surroundings and when the main protagonist is a travelling salesman. Of course sometimes exception does prove the rule but this one just didn't promise much because the whole plot was based on same pretty incredible coincidence: our hero's ex-wife was killed on the same day when he had arrived to this small town and he didn't even know that she had remarried and moved into that very same small town. You can calculate the odds of this happening yourself...

It soon turns into a manhunt thriller (only logical turn with such a premise), but then it suddenly becomes quite good and interesting. The thing is that only a handful of characters are introduced, and usually this means that it's going to be very easy to pick up our whodunnit guy. But here, our prime "bad guy" candidate, Mac, becomes quite likeable towards the end, and the lawyer, Lighton - "the good guy" - turns into a greedy bastard (Andy even says that he's like Mephisto in Faust). I'm not saying that this is some heavy shit character study, but things (people) are definitely not simply black and white.

Cool stuff. Just like they did it in the good 'ol days - sweet and short and well written (although I did miss some humour and a snappy line or two)!

3/5

Facts:

Hero:
My name is Paul Porter, I'm vice-president in charge of marketing for Hydrol Machines Inc., a Chicago firm.

Location: 
Lowndesburg in Lowndes Valley near Chicago. But it's probably an imaginary town since Google Maps has no idea about it.

Body count: 

2

Dames: 
Edith Stayne Porter Hilliard aka Mrs. Five - Paul's ex-wife - "She had been, and in my memory she still was, the most beautiful woman I had ever seen". There's also Andy, a local girl who quickly becomes Paul's new flame.

Blackouts: 
Nope, I can't think of a single one. Which is a bit odd considering all the shit Paul had gone through.

Title: 
Pretty straightforward (but still cool sounding) - Mrs. Five was killed, and now she's late, Mrs. Five.

Cover: 
Very nice illustration of a hot redhead. I assume she's the late Mrs. Five because "She had the most beautiful legs I've ever seen. And a face that made you dream of a woman without guile, malice or greed. ...It almost surprised you that she had to eat, like other mortals."

Cool lines:  
"Where do you cops get your talk?" I asked. "Is there a course in police school on how to talk tough?"

The Wrong Quarry (Max Allan Collins, 2014)

New Quarry novel is always guaranteed fun, but this time it was even more so after going through those two Izzo's books. Ridiculous as it sounds, but even silly shit like the one quoted below was hilarious after those 500+ pages of philosophy and food recipes:

I slid in across of her. "Hope you haven't been waiting long."
"Just long enough to order us a bottle of Chablis. I know you're not supposed to drink red wine with Italian food, but that shit gives me a headache."

*** Warning - spoilers ahead! ***

But it's not very good, I'm sorry to say, at least not compared to some of the other titles of the series. As usual, there are two parts: killing the assassins and discovering the mystery about who ordered the hit. The first part is just too routinely executed. Both in terms of the writing and Quarry's actions. A bit dull and not too imaginative. While this can be overlooked for the killing of the first assassin, who is a boring antique dealer, it's very disappointing that the asshole torturer's (a guy whose definition of Iron Maiden wasn't a heavy metal band) demise is so swift. Especially after some pretty cool build-up to it. Also, everything takes a bit longer to take off.

Second, the detective investigation type part is a mixed bag. It has some good moments (I didn't see Sally's involvement coming at all), but overall it's pretty unconvincing. I mean, Quarry is just not a detective, and I felt a little sorry for a guy walking around this small town pretending to be a newspaper reporter and asking some lame questions. The lowest point of the book is the entire 9th chapter in which our hero goes to a parent-teacher meeting where he interviews a bunch of locals. Horrified to say this, but it almost felt like some AC's Poirot/Marple kind of crap...

But still, it's Quarry and it's fun and it's good to see that Mr. Collins still finds time for his amoral anti-hero.

3/5

Facts:

Hero:
Quarry. In this one, he doesn't even use some other fake name.

Location:
Imaginary (I think) town Stockwell in Missouri that used to be "buggy whip capitol of America". Owned and ran by Stockwell family. We are back in the early 80s when "Reagan hadn't been president long enough for his senility to show (much), and everybody was hurting from the recessions."

Body count: 
4 in the present, 24 in the past

Dames:
Mustang Sally - "Petite but curvy, the kind of cheerleader they reserve for the top of the pyramid." Jenny, the black sheep of the Stockwell family - "One fucked-up dangerous, damn piece of ass." [Fatale]

Blackouts: 
Quarry gets beaten by some jealous gigantic footballer (like Moose in the Archie comics, but cartoonier). But just before passing out, he manages to kick him hard in the knee and wishes him "good luck with your scholarship, jackass!" Auch! Nasty, but nice one, Quarry ;)

Title: 
Quarry is a bit manipulated, so his initial quarry is the wrong one. No worries, though, he makes things right at the end.

Cover: 
Another cool one by Max Phillips. It depicts a scene from the final shoot-out, and it's pretty accurate, although Mr. Phillips has allowed himself a bit of artistic freedom: Sally should be gagged by an SM kind of ball gag, and Quarry hadn't had time to draw his gun when he discovered her.

Cool lines:  
We were bonding now - he had said "shit" in front of me and everything.

"What do you mean, exactly... torture?"
I gave him few examples.
"Jesus Christ," he gasped.
"Actually, he did crucify a guy once. Priest who diddled a choir boy who was a mobster's nephew."

His face went white, or as white as the phony tan would allow.

Fifteen minutes passed and they couldn't have seemed longer at an art movie with no nude scenes.[The Coolest!]


"I can't argue with that. Wouldn't be the first time a shrewd killer got away with murder."
And I couldn't argue with that.