City Primeval (Elmore Leonard, 1980)

The last of the grandmasters has passed away. Not exactly tragic considering his age and recent health problems, but still very sad. But fuck it - this is a hard-boiled blog, so instead of whining about it, I gave my respect to the main man by reading some of his brilliant stuff. I just went to the bookstore and picked up the book with the coolest cover (not an easy task, thanks to Tim Marrs) that I haven't read yet.

Starts very funny by quoting the report of "Investigation of the Judicial Tenure Commission" against Judge Alvin B. Guy. Hilarious reading! We know all about Leonard's crazy characters (and love them all!), but it needs to be said that this guy ranks high in his weirdness top ten chart. In short, he's an even bigger asshole than Maximum Bob.

It's too bad he doesn't last very long, though, because he gets killed right away in the next chapter by the mandatory psycho. In City Primeval this honour belongs to 'Oklahoma Wildman' Clement Mansell, who "likes to live dangerously and likes to kill people". He's an okay psychopath/sociopath, but my problem with him was that I just couldn't decide whether I liked him or not. Which is not a necessary bad thing, right?

However, I did have a much bigger problem with our hero detective, Raymond Cruz, who is assigned to investigate the judge's murder. Won't go into his family shit or macho bullshit or psychological crap, let's just say that he's simply not very convincing or interesting.

So, after a super promising judge asshole, we are left with a mediocre villain and a dull policeman. Plus the usual partner (btw Hunter is also cool but totally underused!), hot blonde pot-head bimbo, hot bitchy criminal lawyer and some shady underworld figures with ridiculous names (like Skender Lulgjaraj for fuck's sake!). Decent cast, but not great. At least not in Elmore Leonard's world.

The major flaw is the story itself and its lack of a compelling plot. Which is even more apparent since the whole thing is character-driven, so its foundations are not very strong to begin with. After the furious start (car chase, followed by the double killing), it just doesn't move anywhere. It gets stuck somewhere between character study and standard police procedural. Instead of some new events being introduced, Cruz falls for Carolyn and shit like that.

There was a moment, though, when I had hoped that pace was about to finally shift a gear up. When Albanian gangster Toma arrives at the scene, it's pretty obvious that he's a mean bastard who'll make things happen. Check out his exchange of Steven Seagal-like bad-ass one-liners with Raymond:

You do what you have to do, I do what I have to do.
No, it's not that simple, because I want him too.
...
You always look in their eyes?
If there's time.
...
It takes time.
No, it doesn't. Tell me where to find him. It takes only a few minutes.
...

A bit silly, but still cool enough. Only it goes on for too long and becomes a tedious game of whose dick is bigger. But must admit that the conclusion is cool because Hunter simply comments that "Fucking Albanians are crazy"

It is funny, there's some sex and there's some action, so even though it turns into a predictable thriller towards the end, it is still very enjoyable reading right up to the final showdown. Without giving away too much, let's just say I didn't choose the word showdown as a metaphor. I will admit I didn't see it coming in spite of warning signs (Gregory Peck), so both the ending and the final twist were surprising. But unfortunately, I was just surprised by how bad Maestro finished the novel.

3/5

Facts:

Hero: 
Homicide Detective Raymond Cruz

Location:
Detroit

Body count: 

3

Dames: 
Sandy - Not the type, at first glance, some management consultant would keep in his stylish apartment. But look again and see fun in her eyes. It gave a man feeling that if he turned her little motor on she'd whirl him back to his youth and take him places he'd never been.

Carolyn Wilder - Prosecuting attorneys referred to her as the iron cunt. [Fatale]

Blackouts: 

/

Title: 
Cool-sounding, but not very accurate, as Detroit City doesn't play a significant role. Probably "Primaeval Justice" would be more appropriate, considering the American Wild West sense of punishment. 

Cover:
Super cool collage of the city, car and Raymond in front. Done by Tim Marrs, who's also the author of other Leonard books published by Orion. Somehow tarnished by Ian Rankin's cover blurb, but luckily enough, my copy has one from the New York Times (An entertainer who can write circles around almost anyone), so it is merely damaged and not entirely ruined.

Cool lines: 
Better to take an extra twenty seconds to be sure than to do twenty years in Jackson.[The Coolest!]


Jesus, the man had nerve. ... Men with nerve died like anyone else if shot in the right place.

Four Novellas of Fear (Cornell Woolrich, 1936 - 1940, republished in 2010)

Reading The Vengeful Virgin got me nostalgic and put me in the perfect mood to read this short collection of four Woolrich stories republished recently. It has been sitting on my shelf for a few months, just waiting for the right moment.

As expected, not much of the asphalt jungle's bright city lights here with cynical detectives investigating complex plots involving dirty politicians, blackmail, or addicted celebrities doing porn flicks. These are simple stories about everyday people driven by simple pleasures, whose actions are motivated by the most basic instincts and feelings. Although fear is mentioned in the collection's title, greed is its most common theme.

Eyes That Watch You (1939)
A nasty and pretty hard-boiled one, even though its protagonist is an old, handicapped lady who cannot even speak. She overhears her daughter-in-law plotting the murder of her son, but she's (obviously) powerless to do anything about it. Everything takes place in this old secluded house which gives a novel great tone. The thing I liked the most about it was the great suspense. Woolrich plays a kind of cat-and-mouse game with his characters (and of course with the reader), and just when you think that poor sucker might get away, he actually gets killed. Nice!

Good story, masterfully written and executed - my favourite of the collection. It's such a good material that I find it a bit surprising it has never been made into a movie. Especially since (according to Wikipedia) Woolrich has had more books adapted into film noirs than any other author of that era.

The Night I Died (1936)
Greed again. And the plot of killing a close family member again. It even starts similarly to Eyes That Watch You, with our hero overhearing a sinister conspiracy about killing him. And once again, it is his greedy spouse, but in this one, he manages to escape the dark demise that she had arranged for him. But unfortunately, in the process, he crosses the line to the dark side, becoming a greedy, violent and paranoid asshole himself. Cool stuff and a good combination of hard-boiled story and psychological drama.

You'll Never See Me Again (1939)
Good opening line (It was the biscuits started it) that implies that once again there will be family trouble. Not murder this time (at least not yet), but a classic plot with an inexplicable wife disappearing and her hubby frantically trying to find her while becoming a prime suspect himself in the process. Fast-paced page turner at the beginning, but unfortunately, in the second half, it dissolves into a standard and predictable "run against the time" type thriller. With 70 pages (and only one corpse!), this is the longest entry of the collection and also, in my opinion, its weakest. Good story, but the plotting towards the end didn't work for me; some stuff was hard to believe.

Murder Always Gathers Momentum (1940)
Excellent and very promising title that indeed delivers (see body count section below!). This one is not so much about money or greed; it's more about cowardice and how it sucks our anti-hero into a spiral of crime. Actually pretty sad, and you really feel bad and sympathetic for the poor sucker. Reminded me of Mickey Rooney in Quicksand. Minus happy end (thank god!) plus cool final twist.

3.5/5

Facts:

Location:
Various small towns

Body count: 

1 + 1 + 1 + 6

Dames: 
Safe to say that only Vera from Eyes that Watch You qualifies as a dame:

She came, the murderess, in pink satin and foamy lace, like an angel of destruction, stroking her loosened hair with a silver-backed brush.  [Fatale]

Title: 
Cool sounding, but I think it would be more suitable to replace fear with greed.

Cover: 
Super eerie photo, unfortunately uncredited. This journey into the darkness with a meaningless speed limit is relevant to all four stories.

Cool lines:  

Eyes That Watch You:

- Are you sure everything's shaped up right?
- Yeah. He's insured up to his ears. All his stock's been bought in my name. The business has been doing pretty good, and there are no other relatives to horn in.

They exchanged a kiss. A blood-red kiss of death. 

The Night I Died

Then we turned in, one to a bed. "I'm dead," was the last thing he yawned.
"You betcha sweet life you are, brother!" I thought grimmly.

Murder Always Gathers Momentum 

He kept buying off time with bullets.[The Coolest!]

Sideswipe (Charles Willeford, 1987)

Another highly enjoyable ride full of thrills and quirky characters with my new best friend, Hoke Moseley. It continues from where New Hope for the Dead has finished. Hoke now lives together with pregnant Ellita Sanchez and his two teenage daughters, but for some reason, he has just had enough. It could be the pile of cold cases at work or a simple case of midlife crisis. Willeford thankfully doesn't even bother to tell us what exactly has made him so fed up with the world. One morning, he suffers a nervous breakdown (I think), so he decides that he needs to simplify his life. He moves to a small tourist resort and starts managing his father's small motel.

But there will be crime, of course. Parallel to Hoke's story, we follow the formation of a very peculiar gang, weird even by Willeford's high standard of craziness. Its leader, Troy, with reptilian looks, is a self-proclaimed criminal psychopath who, in prison, befriends an elderly Stanley. Also a psychopath but not yet a criminal one, as for the time being, he seems to be happy enough with occasional dog poisoning. These two men form some kind of weird father/son homosexual relationship and are joined by Troy's hot ex-stripper girlfriend with a disfigured face, who is a (failed) abstract artist.

Sideswipe feels like a combination of the first two Hoke's novels. The structure of mixing his personal story and the gang's job preparation is almost identical to the one from Miami Blues, and little episodes concerning his daughters keep the tone similar to New Hope for the Dead. There's once again a mandatory minor case that Hoke solves along the way. There's a robbery in the local hotel, and he helps the police force to find the thief.

Troy's gang is so colourful and such an insane bunch of characters that it almost threatens to steal the entire show from Hoke at times. Sometimes I could almost sense that Willeford was aware of this and would react by giving his hero an additional storyline to prove that he still was the main man. One of the novel's highlights is the episode where Hoke promptly ships his daughter to her mother on the first plane to L.A., immediately after he learns that she has some weird medical problems (bulimia) and doesn't have a clue how to deal with the situation. And she's accompanied by some lowlife teenager whom Hoke has just met 10 hours before. She informs his wife that she's a trained nurse, and to make sure they would stay together, he even handcuffs both girls together!

Don't like to repeat myself, but this is truly great stuff. Simple and effective. Funny but also ugly at times. Full of black humour but also compassion.

And it could also come with a message. Is life even possible to be simplified?

5/5

Facts:

Hero: 
Sergeant Hoke Moseley

Location:
Miami and Ocean Mall, where Hoke is recuperating and trying to simplify his life.

Body count: 6 (plus one baby in the past)

Dames: 
Possibly Ellita Sanchez and questionably disfigured Dale Forrest, once Miss Bottlecapping Industry of Daytona Beach. And Hoke's daughter Sue Ellen is on the right track to become a real babe - she had grown a green mohawk and went to see Dead Kennedys gig (ticket costing 35$!!?).

Blackouts: 
None, unless we count that weird nervous breakdown.

Title: 
Another intriguing one that escapes my understanding. I checked a few online dictionaries, but couldn't find anything relevant. Any suggestions?

Cover:
Nice and in the same style as the rest of Penguin reprints of Hoke Moseley novels. Maybe a little too similar to Miami Blues.

Cool lines:  
As mentioned, Hoke is still our main man, but this time I will use cool lines to let Troy explain his complex personality:

I'm a professional criminal, what the shrinks call a criminal psychopath.[The Coolest!]

What it means is, I know the difference between right and wrong and all that, but I don't give a shit. That's the official version. Most men in prison are psychopaths, like me, and there are times - when we don't give a shit - when we act impulsively.

- I don't have time to go into all of the ramifications of my personality, it's too complex. I've been tested again and again, and it always comes out the same. Psychopath. And because I'm a criminal, I'm also a criminal psychopath. You follow me?

- Yeah, I think so. But if you aren't crazy, what are you?

- It's what I told you already. I know the difference between good and bad, but it makes no difference to me. If I see the right thing to do and want to do it, I do it, and if I see the wrong thing and want to do it, I do that too.
- You mean you can't help yourself then?
- Certainly I can. I'll put it another way. I can help myself, but I don't give a damn.
- And because you don't give a damn, you're a criminal psychopath, is that it?
- You've got it.
- But why don't you give a damn?
- Because I'm a criminal psychopath. Maybe, when they give you some tests, you might could be one, too.

Smoking comforts ordinary men, but I'm not an ordinary man. There aren't many like me left. And it's good thing for the world that there isn't. There'll always be a few of us in America, in every generation, because only a great country like America can produce men like me.I'm not a thinker, I'm a doer. I'm considered inarticulate, so I talk a lot to cover it up. [The Coolest!]

Badge of Evil (Whit Masterson, 1956)

The book on which my favourite Orson Welles movie, Touch of Evil, is based. To be honest, I had no idea that the film was even based on a book until the back blurb on this one caught my attention in the bookstore. And since I'm obviously not Orson's die-hard fan, I must admit that he did one hell of a job on his screenplay. One of those rare occasions where the movie is much better than the original book.

It's simply not hard-boiled enough. A story about dirty cops, set in police stations and the DA's office, should be driven by strong characters and sharp dialogue, moving forward at a rapid pace. Smoking, drinking, cursing, fighting, etc. Or at least be a solid police procedural. Instead, we get a predictable "one against all, good against evil" tale of the white knight fighting for the ungrateful lady Justice against a flawed system orchestrated by weak politicians and compromised media.

And family shit, lots of it. Mitch's wife Connie is so pure, cool, beautiful, full of understanding and dedication to her hubby that she doesn't even bitch too much about their ever-postponed family vacation. I don't think that any of the authors had seen Fritz Lang's masterpiece The Big Heat, released a few years prior. Because if they did, Connie would be blown into pieces sometimes at the end of the first act, making Mitch go on a bloody revenge rampage. But nothing like that happens - our hero is confused and scared most of the time and gets a lucky break at the end.

Also didn't like the writing style much. Too technical and formulaic, so it never really takes off. Once the evidence fixing is established, the plot becomes almost nonexistent, and the whole thing shifts into boring drama/thriller mode. My speculation is that these kinds of narration problems may occur as a result of the collaboration between two writers working on the same book.

Decent enough material that, unfortunately, hasn't aged very well. But still immensely cool to read it if you like Touch of Evil. It's genuinely incredible how Wells managed to turn this unquestionably original, yet somehow mediocre, novel into a timeless masterpiece.

3/5

Facts:

Hero:
Mitch Holt, 35, assistant district attorney

He knew that soon he would be in a position to open his own private practice without unduly endangering the eating habits of his family.

Location: 
Some big town in southern California near the Mexican border. I assume that would be San Diego (it's definitely not LA), but probably the authors were vague about this intentionally to emphasise the metaphor about corruption and the weak legal system across America.

Body count: 

4 (2 suicides)

Dames: 
None really. His whining wife Connie hardly counts as a dame.

Blackouts: 

/

Title: 
Obviously, it alludes to McCoy, but I would hardly categorise a poor bastard as an evil one. He was merely an overworked asshole with a god complex. And since the title "Badge of an overworked asshole with a god complex" really does sound stupid, let's not bitch about it too much.

Cover: 
Good old-fashioned one, like all covers of Prologue Books are. It would be cool to put little figures of Holt, McCoy and Quinlan into the web.

Cool lines:  
To be a successful prosecutor was the same as being a successful salesman or a successful preacher. You had to believe in your product.

He settled for a stubby .32 pistol that had both convenience and authority.

The bullet tugged at the lapel of  Holt's coat in passing and then went on its way with a complaining whine of having missed.[The Coolest!]

The Vengeful Virgin (Gil Brewer, 1958)

I knew I'd never get enough of her. She was straight out of hell.

Shirley and I generated something together that drowned out conscience. This was just something we were going to do together. And, of course, the money. I wanted it. I would get it.

Shirley Angela was under my skin like the itch and it was going to take a lot of scratching.

He was ready to die. He was old enough. He sure as hell was rich enough.

Doom. You recognize doom. It's a feeling and a taste, and it's black, and it's very heavy. It comes down over your head, and wraps tentacles around you, and sinks long dirty fingernails into your heart. It has a stink like burning garbage. Doom.

Boy meets girl. They are both young, horny and greedy, and the only thing standing between them is the girl's wealthy stepfather. Sounds like a postman is ringing twice, doesn't it? Feels almost like heresy writing this, but in many ways this one is even better than Cain's famous masterpiece.

We know the whole plot (and its ending) after reading just a few pages. But what Brewer manages to pull off masterfully is the immense build-up of the tension and suspense as we dive deeper into the vortex, approaching the inevitable doom of our condemned lovers.

And the trick is that in this crime book, there will be no mystery! There are some characters introduced (Victor's doctor, Shirley's horny neighbour, Jack's ex-girlfriend) that could (and usually would) form some sort of alliance with one of our protagonists to double-cross the other. There's no such thing here; the final big twist is essentially nothing more than a lack of any twist.

And Jack himself - as one would expect from the TV fixer-upper - is a pretty lousy killer. To be blunt, he's a total amateur! He even prepares a list of all the possible fuck ups and then forgets to destroy it, so it can be found by the cops when they search his apartment. He also has second thoughts about the whole thing and is prepared to call it off  (He'd croak natural, and everything would be perfect). But of course, there's no way out; the greed got hold of him, and he's doomed.

Great stuff, just don't expect an intriguing story full of twists and subplots centred around some colourful anti-hero. Without a question, still pure pulp with both sex and violence pretty graphic and disturbing ending, but this is for me foremost a sad, cold and intense book about the dark places in our souls and addictions in our heads.

4.5/5

Facts:

Hero:
Jack Ruxton, a TV repairman and the owner of a small electronics shop.

Location:
Miami. However, it doesn't play a significant role except on one occasion when our hero is in the water and becomes concerned about the alligators.

Body count: 

3

Dames:
Shirley Angela, a confused and horny combination of femme fatale and damsel in distress. Her neighbour, Mayda Lamphier (nervous type, and loud). Jack's neurotic ex-girlfriend, Grace.

Blackouts: 
None, but there's a funny description of the nightmare where Jack is chasing Mayda through an endless living room full of TV sets. 

Title:
Obviously, and without some major spoilers, it refers to Angela. And the second part is a kind of twist.

Cover: 
Cool and very hot! By Gregory Manchess. But not 100% accurate - although there is a scene involving piles of money and fire and a naked (not just in underwear!) chick with a gun. And for some reason, two empty whiskey bottles are missing.

Cool lines:
Not many witty one-liners or cool descriptions here. It goes as far as "The language she used would have shamed a drunken Marine"

The Rip-Off (Jim Thompson, 1985)

Legendary Jim Thompson finally gets his debut and long-overdue entry on this blog. The Rip-Off was his last book, published posthumously eight years after his death. I did some googling, but I'm still not sure whether it's supposed to be one of those luckily lost & found "masterpieces" or if it was simply the case that the author wasn't satisfied enough with the finished product and had decided not to publish it at all. Unfortunately, I'm inclined to think that the latter was the case, especially since he was "rediscovered" in the 80s, and publishers probably just wanted to cash in on some of that new and fresh fame.

The story is a bit silly with more than just a single plot hole and some hard-to-swallow coincidences, but it's still okay. It's centred around this quasi-intellectual guy, Britt Rainstar, whose life gets turned upside down when he accepts a pretty odd writing job from a mysterious and beautiful executive, Manuela Aloe. A series of bizarre (and life-threatening) events starts to unfold, and Thompson skilfully mixes them with Britt's background story about his bitchy blackmailing wife and her greedy redneck father. There are some cool twists towards the end, and the final revelation is kind of surprising.

Writing is as good as one would expect from an old-school master with 20+ masterpieces under his belt. Characters are decent and believable enough most of the time. Especially our leading hero, and maybe not so much about his two female companions. I liked the stuff about his condemned house, which, in the end, becomes a character in itself.

A major letdown is the style. Not at all gritty, dirty, dark, or hard-boiled, which is what I expected (see the body count section of the facts). At times, it's almost comical, and these repetitive style shifts really damage the pace and whole structure of the book. Towards the end, I started to feel a bit ripped off and just wanted to finish it.

I'm not sure about this one; it's not bad, but it's certainly not very good. I guess it's okay for Thompson's die-hard fans and completists or academic researchers of his work. I'm neither of these, so all I can say is that it reminded me that it's been too long since I've read his stuff. But the next one will be one of his oldies.

3/5

Facts:

Hero: 
Britt Rainstar, age 40. A bit unusual intellectual: he writes in-depth monographs on various unreadable subjects like ecology and ethnology. Native American descendant, living in a condemned house near the garbage dump.

Location: 
Not specified, but the growing pile of garbage in the backyard of his house could symbolise a typical modern American town.

Body count: 
Surprisingly (and disappointingly!) - none. Although justice will be served as one bad guy will get a 20-year prison sentence and another one will be sentenced to two (!?) lifetimes.

Dames:
Manuela Aloe: I looked at her - the silver blond hair, the startlingly black eyes and lashes, the flawlessly creamy complexion. I looked around and found it impossible to believe that such a delicious bon bon of a girl would do harm to anyone.

Plus cop/nurse Miss Kate "Kay" Nolson. Plus Connie, his greedy wife, who refuses to become an ex-wife. Plus, let us not forget his bitchy alcoholic housekeeper, Mrs Olmstead.

Blackouts: 
He gets knocked out frequently. There is no less than four blackouts: he gets beaten up twice, shot at and pushed down the stairs in a wheelchair.
 

Title:  
Not sure. I see several possibilities:

• Britt is being ripped off by his wife and her greedy father
• Thompson titled it as a joke reference to his The Kill-Off
• Titled by the publishers to indicate they ripped us off by selling the book whose author had passed away almost ten years ago.

Cover: 
Pretty standard stuff

Cool lines:  
"Just what happened here, miss? Why was that door locked?"
Manny grinned at her impudently. "A broken-down bed and a locked door, and you ask me what happened? How long have you been a woman, dear?"

Bulldog Drummond (Herman Cyril McNeile aka Sapper, 1920)

"Demobilised officer, finding peace incredibly tedious, would welcome diversion. Legitimate, if possible; but crime, if of a comparatively humorous description, no objection. Excitement essential."

So starts the advertisement that returning WWI war hero Captain Hugo 'Bulldog' Drummond places in the newspapers. He's bored as fuck and seeks some new thrills. It doesn't take long to find one when a beautiful young lady answers his ridiculous ad and hires him to investigate the sudden radical shift in her father's behaviour. Smells like a classic blackmail case and a Holmes-type investigation. 

Well, not really. I forgot to mention the prologue in which some very prominent and sinister people are plotting a conspiracy against the UK and the whole democratic and free (non-communist) world. So to make a long story short -

The thing had ceased to be a mere sporting gamble with himself and a few other chosen spirits matched against a gang of criminals; it had become - if his surmise was correct - a national affair. England herself - her very existence - was threatened by one of the vilest plots ever dreamed of in the brain of man.

At this point, things go crazy, and the mystery novel becomes a bizarre blend of action and romantic espionage thriller. The plot becomes increasingly bizarre and at times difficult to follow, especially given the fast-paced storyline. There are a few subplots, and one concerning the kidnapping of a wealthy American businessman is integral. Still, another one involving some Duchess' stolen pearls didn't make much sense to me. It didn't make much sense to our hero, either, by the way, but he was too busy to clarify it.

It has to be said that characterisation is pretty lame. Everybody is neatly divided into black/white, good/bad guys world, and the author concentrates primarily on Hugo and his newly found love. This romantic crap is the novel's biggest minus, but I guess it was mandatory in those old pulps. But still, it was a bit difficult to digest that our dear protagonists had fallen madly in love and had agreed to marry just a few days after they had met.

The winner here is definitely a language. The whole thing is written in this crazy, arcane language, which sometimes leaves you totally puzzled, and other times you simply cannot help but laugh your ass off. Tough dialogues full of wisecracking are delightful too, but the cherry on the cake for me was hilarious descriptions of chapters! They are all super cool, my favourite is the tenth one, "In Which the Hun Nation Decreases by One"

Cool and unusual stuff that has allegedly inspired many other crime writers (Fleming's Bond was said to be modelled after Mike Hammer from the waist down and Bulldog Drummond from the waist up). But it has not aged very well. Still very entertaining to read and to get lost in a time machine for a few days, but not so much that I would be tempted to continue with the rest of the series.

3/5

Facts:

Hero: 
Captain Hugo 'Bulldog' Drummond, D.S.O., M.C. - His best friend would not have called him good-looking, but he was the fortunate possessor of that cheerful type of ugliness which inspires immediate confidence in its owner.... A sportsman and a gentleman. And the combination of the two is an unbeatable production. ... The type of men who whom one should kill outright - or leave alone.

Location:
He runs the whole operation from his home on Half Moon Street in London, but a significant part of the novel takes place in some kind of ex-observatory (built by a gentleman of doubtful sanity) called Elms in Godalming.

Body count: 

5 + one gorilla

Dames: 
Hugo's fiancée, Phyllis Benton, and Irma, who is the best character, but at the same time also the most neglected one. True femme fatale!

Blackouts: 
Yes, two of them. First he and his pals get poisoned by "an ingenious invention of gas" and later he's simply kicked on the head.

Title: 
Not very imaginative, but we can forgive Sapper for that since it is an introductory novel to the whole series. But it does have a funny reference to the Sappers - "Dreadful barbarians trying to blow up things" 

Cover:
Nice illustration. But it gives the book a darker tone than it actually contains.

Cool lines:  
"On approaching the gate of The Elms, you will render the night hideous with your vocal efforts."

He manifested every symptom usually displayed by the male of the species when awaiting the arrival of the opposite sex. ... "When is this bally train likely to arrive?" He accosted a phlegmatic official, who regarded him coldly, and doubted the likelihood of its being more than a quarter of an hour early.

"I know not what this young man has done: I care less. In Russia such trifles matter not. He has the appearance of a bourgeois, therefore he must die."[The Coolest!]


A Gentleman of slightly inebriated aspect, whose trousers left much to the imagination.[The Coolest!]